


The logic of Jack O'Neill

by Northofthewall



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, F/M, Introspection, Romance, Short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-06
Updated: 2016-12-06
Packaged: 2018-09-06 22:04:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8771071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Northofthewall/pseuds/Northofthewall
Summary: How I learned to live with the pain in my gut.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Set Season 8 post Affinity.

This is how I learned to live with the pain in my gut. You know the one? Or maybe you don't, if you're lucky. 

It's the pain that twists like you got an evil snake in there. When she shows you the ring her boyfriend gave her. When she's lost and you can't show how much it's breaking you. When she's humming and happy and it's not you putting the smile on her face. When she's ill or dying or upset and all you want to do is hold her and comfort her and you can't. When she looks at you with those beautiful eyes and you think for a second that she loves you, but then she says sir. When you successfully make her smile but can't react to the utter beauty of her in that moment like you want to. When she's marrying a guy that isn't you. That pain. 

Well firstly, it goes without saying that it's not the worst pain I have to live with. But we'll just skip over that. 

Now here is my logic. I trust her. Absolutely. She is the smartest person on the planet, and thoroughly good with it. So therefore I trust her with any choice she makes. Right? 

Ok here is the second part. I love her. I love her so much that all I want is for her to be happy. All I want is for her to smile and be loved and have a full life. 

(And I doubt very much that it'd be with me. Hello, have you met me? How could I make her happy? I'm too broken. I have too much darkness. I could never taint her like that. She is lightness and goodness and just too close to perfect for me to get my grubby hands and life all over. Hey, I'm not being morose, I'm just telling it like it is.)

So if I want her to be happy, and I trust her absolutely, therefore I trust her to make the right choices for her own life and happiness. Even if it doesn't seem like the right choice at the time, I have to trust her. Sometimes we have to experience things to learn, and it's not like she's never going to experience sorrow and difficulty. But it's all for the best. I trust her to find her own happiness, and oh god she deserves it. 

Like I said, logic.

So I've learnt to live with it. I've learnt to love that gnawing hollow ache. Because whenever I feel it I know it's because I love her so god damn much. And she deserves to be loved, so thats what I'll keep on doing, and I'll embrace every single agonising twinge.

**Author's Note:**

> Author does not entirely agree with opinions of character :p


End file.
